To last forever

Fill it with deep understanding
Let it be true and undemanding

And it will last for ever

Build high walls of dreams around it
Let it be secured and defended

And it will last for ever

Forgive the ups and downs
Love the smiles and frowns

And it will last for ever

Listen, contain, care
Give, take and share

And it will last for ever


Wessam El Beih
Copyright ©2007

Close Friend

A close friend is like the sky
No matter how far, I will see
And in the darkness I look up high
Its guiding stars will shine on me

In time of need the sky will know
What to send down my way
It may be rain, it may be snow
It may be sunshine through my day

When it's cold, the sky will vow
A sunny day is sure to follow
When I am lost, some how
its warmth sweeps away the sorrow

A close friend is like the wind
Carries me above the highest cloud
And gently my friend will find
A time to bring my feet to ground



Copyright ©2008 Wessam El Beih

On My Thirty-Nine Birthday

On my thirty- nine birthday, I prepare to witness the last year of this decade and I write this note as a gift to myself. My gift is to remind myself that life is what we make of it and that a fully meaningful and authentic life is what I am determined to live. I am alright with disclosing my age and take pride in challenging those who say women usually won’t. I know my childhood friends won’t mind me doing that so much.

It matters to me what font I type my words and I realized that I have to like how the words look to me with the first few words, not at the end of what I write. The core lesson I remind myself of is that “what matters to me, is important”; how I see the world and my comfort with what I say or do is what I will not compromise. I am content with my life; with many wonderful people to cherish, things to be proud of and I feel I am on a purposeful path in this world.

Sitting here on my couch with the break of the morning, trying to let my thoughts flow without an agenda, and hoping it will some how make some sense at the end. I have committed to writing three morning pages each day to unlock my creativity. A complete flow of words that I do not read again is what I originally signed up for. It is so hard, I have to confess. For those who seek perfection, which I realize does not exist, but we seek it any ways it is hard. It is even harder to stop that voice in the head that speaks up so loud wanting to make a statement on every occasion. Writing from my heart was easier when I was younger and even more unpolished. Now I have professionally been trained by life to let my head interfere and sensor what I write. Not good. That voice speaks all the time, haunting me even in my dreams. Heart speaks more sincerely and without reservations if you unleash it. Head interferes to politicize your inner most emotions. What a muddle?

How beautiful it is to just “be” and let life do its job of being. How very natural to let yourself become part of the world around you and give yourself completely. How very hard for those who do so. In this moment when I am just flowing inside out, am aware of my self and surroundings. I hear the background singing of early rising birds and the farther work of an engine. I see the curtains of my window move gracefully with the slow breeze and I can feel the grin on my lips as I type those words. But, here I go again, that voice in my head is loudening again objecting to the flow of words from my heart. Demanding me to get real, get to the point, stay focused and make sense. What if I just not make sense to any one, but make sense to me. Would that be too hard to handle? A million buts that awful, nosy, voice of so called reason flags at me to keep me from my dreams.

I close my eyes and imagine myself by the sea hearing its waves so strongly and allowing it to move my inner storms and settle my inner winds. I think of running there whenever I feel I need a louder voice than reason. It is hot and humid and I can’t drink that hot coffee next to my reach. May be I can move away; go out on the terrace, be more in touch with the beauty around and cultivate the beauty I see within. May be I can. It is not beyond my reach.

Friday 1 July 2011

The Selected Few of the Crowd

Lay back and think about that sunny day
With a vast crowd that piled along the way
Lay back, recall how it feels
Not at ease, singeing your heels
When that cloudy sky came to my stare
Too soon before I could prepare
Lay back, recall the crowd dispersed in haste
Feeling breathless, at vain, and in waste
I never want to be in that place again
Where I cannot withstand such pain
Lay back and think of the selected few
All along the way right before you
They’d rather die
Than to ever make you cry
The faulty fail to spot what’s true
And misses on the selected few
Lay back, let it settle, recall your deed
A selected few of the crowd are all you need

Wessam El Beih, July 2010

An Empty Seat

On the day, when everything was finally crystallized, I could see clearly. In a big theatre, with many seats as far as my eyes could behold. It was my biggest and most important performance. My eyes kept screening the audience looking for some particular faces. I felt, if I turn at any point and my sight meets them that I might gain strength; and bring out the best in me.

Many people walked in and out. The theatre was getting filled up quickly. I had to intervene. I reserved the first few rows and marked them. The first was core and essential. The second was close but non essential; and the third, was familiar. Everyone else was freely seated.

It was nice to feel the room warming up. My eyes glanced the crowds and it boosted my morale. When the lights were still on, everyone was busy doing something. Some were getting to know each other, some were checking their phones and others were walking in and out of the theatre. A few were looking at me, I suspect waiting for me to start.

Suddenly the lights started dimming and I was getting ready. The music went up and I took up my role. At times I felt engagement in the room. Sometimes I felt alone. I called a few to come up on stage and dance with me; a few I encouraged to sing along. I could feel the spirit in the room but I couldn’t see the crowds anymore. I could only tell by looking at the people in the front. My eyes would not sway. They were the source of my strength; particularly those occupying the first row. When I would feel uncertain, I would look there. A smile, a nod or even that the seats were still warmed, would help me know that I was doing alright. I thought it would be vital to my performance that I have those who touched my core and those meant the most right before my eyes. A handful, were backstage. I found out later that it was more important for them to see how well I perform than to be at the front.

It didn’t matter much, that I lost some people at the end of the theatre. I am sure they had other things to do. It mattered when someone in the front seemed distracted but it didn’t always break my heart. It's only when my eyes fell on an empty seat on the first row, that my heart pounded so heavily. My eyes wandered searching in the crowds and I felt I was losing my focus. Swiftly, I said to myself, it must have been important that they had to walk out. But my heart was questioning, how important it was. I wondered if it was more important to them to leave, than it was for me to have them there. I don’t know why I kept noticing that one seat throughout. Whenever I looked and found it was empty, it affected my performance. The room was full. The first few rows had many important people. But that one seat kept getting empty. In a vivid recall of the past, that one seat I always had reserved. It was occupied shortly and left cold on many occasions. Don’t know why I kept reserving it, despite expecting it to be empty. I went out of tune a few times. I got back on track later.

On that day I learned a few lessons. The first: an empty seat on the first row would always be a disappointment. Reserve it for those who won’t let you down. Don’t keep a seat on the first row for someone who doesn’t show up or has previously walked out on you. The second: people won’t generally decline a free good invitation. They may not value it as much, but a free invitation on a first raw seat is tempting. They would welcome it if they have nothing better to do or someone of more interest to be around. Make sure who is there to bring the best in you, enjoy being around you and is there for you; and who is there just because it is a convenience. The third: welcome any one to your theatre at any time, they can be freely seated. This gives them freedom to walk in and out as they wish, provided they don’t disrupt your performance and discomfort you. You won’t really notice them in the crowd. Lastly: backstage is essential. You may not see the people there, or notice their role often. Be attentive to backstage though. You dont only perform well because of those before you; but also because there are people, you don’t notice who are watching over you. Some of those are more worthy of being in that empty seat.

Asmaa, shows you how to “Let your dreams be bigger than your fears”….

Staring at the window and gazing into the gardens on the other side; reflecting on the past year with all its potentials, opportunities and challenges. I find myself smiling to the abstract and thinking of “her” with her smiling face for I have never once seen her frown upon her misery or lament her pains. I remember “her” with a sigh of relief and a wishful belief that she is looking down upon us with her comforting smile, patting on our shoulders without a word. I find tears coming to my eyes; happy tears that make you content.

Do you know what it is like when you have waited for someone for so long and finally meet them? All the waiting, longing and anticipation; suddenly relieved by the moment you glance their sight. Feelings of relief, a climax and happiness gush right into your soul. A first time expecting parent will surely relate to that; wanting to cross the path of time anticipating the baby. Every passing day, the anticipation peaks and the expectations rise. With every felt kick and every heart beat heard, a bond grows. You fall in love with this unfamiliar person to you and wait to meet impatiently. You wonder about a million things and have growing hopes and sincere prayers to bring to the world, someone who makes a difference, makes you proud in doing so and help you be a better person yourself. Imagine the moment this person comes to the world. Imagine the first time you lay your eyes on a healthy, beautiful and happy person. Suddenly, every moment that passed by in anticipation counts, every pain felt was worth it and every burden was meaningfully replaced by joy and pride. This person’s name is “Asmaa”, a lucky baby for she has numerous parents.

This is my heartfelt note of gratitude and a statement of what she means to me. I personalize her because she is personal to me. Asmaa is the long awaited friend, after years of parting. She is that beautiful someone who has come to the world to make a difference, to make you proud in doing so and to help you be a better person yourself. She means so many things to many people, I am sure. This is what she means to me.

If anyone turns to you asking for help, would you find it in your heart to deny them help? And if you do turn them away for whatever reason, how would you feel? The power to help another is a way we help our own souls. Sometimes helping others is not solely an act of kindness that you voluntarily offer, it is for some of us an obligation. The woman with the smiling face, and so are many others like her, was denied help. She was denied help by people whose obligation was to help her. She passed away because of that; leaving behind her three youngsters all by themselves in this world. Despite striving to help her, together with many others, we failed to get her the help she needed in time. It was personal to me that I have tried so hard and it was personal to me that I have failed to save her life. That thought never left my mind. The thought of someone losing their life because of another person failing on their obligations was intolerable. The thought of three youngsters, the eldest was sixteen years old left all by themselves in the world was intolerable. The thought of relenting to “I did all I can” was intolerable. Her smiling face never left my mind. After many years, Asmaa has fulfilled an obligation due to a woman which was not fulfilled to her in real life.

She brings to my heart a lot of hope that many other lives who have the right to be saved; will actually be saved. She brings hope that every person would realize the power within their own souls and find it their responsibility to stand up for their rights relentlessly. She equally stands as a firm reminder to everyone out there failing on their commitments, their duties, and their obligations. With her fierce gentleness she looks you in the eye and speaks to your conscience that your words, your actions, your beliefs could and would affect someone else’s life. Would you deny someone help if their lives depended on you? Think again. Think hard.And think over again. Asmaa will help change our world; I believe it with all my heart.

Asmaa to me is the teacher who, over six years of her evolution, has practically preached about what genuine commitment really means. No one is paid for commitment or passion. I have known some who are blessed by it, ignite it within their souls and maintain it to drive them. I was once told “passion begets passion”. She has powerfully drawn and multiplied collective eagerness, commitment, passion, tenacity and belief. Asmaa is an example of all that and is on a mission to snowball that. There can never be too much passion or too much commitment. Either there is or there isn’t. I would swear that there is.

True citizenship in not where you have been born, without your choice. It is where you have chosen to live and bond; building a sense of ownership to the people and the land identifying with many aspects that bring you closer. Asmaa, born in the era of the glorious Tunisian and Egyptian revolutions, is an unintended magical sign of resilience and a symbol to revolutionize our spirits to bring about more compassion, empathy and fairness to this world. A beautiful Tunisian, bonding with an Egyptian spirit to highlight that true citizenship is a choice that can be stronger than unprivileged born citizenship.

Someone stated that at some point in our lives and in one way or another we are all Asmaa. I believe so too. For a while, we may forget that despite our challenges, we are powerful. Asmaa was held back by her own fears and was on the verge of giving in. We all do sometimes. She realized that her love for life and her responsibility towards herself is the foundation to discover the power within and step over her fears. As a feminist and a development worker, I cannot overlook the powerful example that Asmaa sets for every woman. It brings to my heart a lot of pride that this example comes from a region where women still struggle for equality. Despite tremendous talent, demonstrated achievements and unquestionable potential, there are those who still strive to keep women in the shadow. Especially after the revolution, it is controversial to tolerate the regression to the space for women issues; every woman is Asmaa.Look to the Asmaa in you; in her potential, in her strength of spirit, love for life, persistence to make a difference and in the power to bring about equity and fairness to this world. Asmaa is a proclamation about the power within each and every one of us; unacceptable to overlook or oppress. Asmaa opens the door to many people to speak up, to live strong and live well. It is up to us to walk through that door or to choose to remain locked in.

The power of believing in oneself is also coupled by the power to believe in others. Six years ago, at the inception of a movie idea, the search for a famous and seasoned writer to tell the story was the direction set forth. At that time, Khaled Abol Naga suggested Amr Salama, saying to me “mark my words; he will be a rising star”. He was right. Overtime, strong belief kept materializing and transferring to everyone who was associated. Many times, the idea could have been placed on hold or waived indefinitely. It is because of a strong belief that Asmaa was realized; a strong belief in the power to relief another person's suffering, to make a difference and the responsibility towards what you believe in. Asmaa is a mesage that if you truly believe, you can be visionary and can realize any dream.

The future of this country and the region will be shaped by young people. They may not be seasoned by experience, but are determined to develop it. Young people are malleable to new ideas. They are willing to change to realize their dreams and are adamant for success. Asmaa is a signature to the power and talent of youth. She is a testimony to take risks; young talented people will make it happen.

Asmaa is the proof of the transformation that can happen to a person, reshape who they are and the way to view life. I believe that every single person who was engaged in the birth of Asmaa has been touched by her existence. I believe this transformation is irreversible and will remain forever in many future events. I believe that every single person who meets (watches) Asmaa will be positively affected, and will reflect deeply on the meaning of living. I believe that the story well told, well presented and well communicated is so hard to detach from. There is a bond that develops between you and Asmaa as strong as you choose it to be. You will relate to Asmaa in many ways. I believe, “She” will change you, and through you will change the world.

My last words are words of truly heartfelt gratitude. Thank you Amr Salama for the inspiration you have brought to my life through your creativity, your honestly and your sincere determination. Thank you Hend Sabry for identifying with Asmaa and adding to her beautiful everlasting smile your genuine, warm talent and personality. Thank you Maged El Kodwany for demonstrating to us that one can alter and be altered if we believe in the power we have within. Thank you, Mohamed Hefzy and Bushra for taking a risk and making your resources work for a cause- that will surely payback on many fronts. Thank you Hany Adel for the music which shivers me each time and fills me with hope and regenerates my energy. Thank you to every person who parented Asmaa and nurtured her to grow into this beautiful and prosperous woman.

Asmaa is the person I want to be to holding on to what I believe, overcoming my fear and stepping beyond what holds me back to reach my dreams. Thank you Asmaa, for making a difference, making us proud in doing so and help us be better people. Thank you for opening the door to change our world.

Wessam El Beih, Janury 8th 2011

I have learned, Written by Wessam El Beih in January 2009

I have changed. I have grown and evolved.

In a world that is going towards a pitfall, it may seem so trivial to reflect on my own self. But I realize that “I” am the only person I have control over. If I dig deep enough into me, I can read more about myself; understand more about the bubble I live within than what I would attempt to comprehend of what’s going on in the world. In a time where people lose their lives, dignity and security for no justified reason, I am not certain I want to be associated to this world in the first place. I feel shame of belonging to humanity. But since there is no voluntary way out of this world- I decided that for now I will reflect on my own bubble.

What we learn from our experiences determine what kind of people we develop to be over the years. I decided I am going to go over the things I have come to learn through this past year that have contributed to the change within me. I also became conscious that as we learn new things, develop new experiences, we also have to remember that sometimes we need to unlearn some of the things that do not help us grow to be better people. I am making those reflections public, well as public as my nature can tolerate. They may mean absolute nonsense to others and yet they may strike a cord. This is my commitment: to hold on to the useful lessons of life and to unlearn those that would tarnish my inner soul.

I realized that no matter how hard life strikes me it is all about how I react. Every passing moment, good or bad is time lapsing from my life. A moment that will never come back. It will pass and will never last. No matter how strong my feelings are at those moments they will also not last.

I learned that it is easier to live in a box predetermined by our society. People are ready to live your life for you if you let them, but what would that make you? Even though it is harder to get out of the box and design your own living terms, it is more fulfilling and coherent. I choose to be out of the box.

I learned that we have to learn to be deaf at times to the calling off voices of “You can’t”, “it’s too late”, “it’s too hard”, “it is inappropriate”. I learned that it is never too late to start pursuing your passion. Any time is good to start, and if so then it might as well be now. I spent years putting off plans for things I wanted to do, but not any more. I am amazing myself. Go ahead and start. Live your own life your self.

I have come to realize the power of “thank you” and “I am sorry”. We all need to be appreciated. We all need a pat on the shoulder uttering “well done”. Thank you makes a person feel noticed and valued. It works like magic, reinforcing the will to do more. So efforts and good deeds do not pass unrewarded. Behaviors that are rewarded are repeated. I am dazzled at those who forget to say thank you.

I also learned that when I say to someone “I am sorry”, I am genuinely stating that it is meaningless to have one’s ego get in the way of nurturing a relationship. The ability to affirm other’s righteousness and one self’s short fall is a blessing. It takes courage to say it and be willing to step back and go another direction. And when heard has a magical spell for undoing hurt, and lessening pain that may have been caused.

I learned that every time I feel sorry about something I did wrong or something I did not do well (or at all). I will not only feel sorry. I will say it. Every time I feel touched by the kindness of another person. I will not only feel thankful and smile. I will say it.

I learned to stand more firmly to what I believe is right, fair and true- even if it will not please those around me. I am getting more comfortable with the phrase “I am sorry I do not agree with you at all” and still be able to end the conversation kindly.

I learned that parting is not sweet at all but a lot of sorrow. Nevertheless, I decided to look beyond the imperfections. I realized that airports are not all about departures. They are also about reunions and arrivals. Watching people cry as they part, feeling how hard it is to let go, touches my heart. But I am intrigued as I watch others waiting for their loved ones, looking anxiously beyond the gates to glance those they await. I observe the running, the hugging, the kissing, the passion and the longing. I learned to appreciate that if there were no departures, there will never be arrivals.

I learned that unconditional love rarely exists. Well some one once told me that only small children and puppies can give love unconditionally- I agree. I look at my six years old- so innocent and full of love. She loves her class mates, thinks of what she will share with her friends at school, makes beaded necklaces for her best friend, writes I love you notes to her teacher. She doesn’t think of what they will say, or whether they would love her back or whether the necklace will be worn or if the love note will be thrown away. She loves unconditionally. But as we grow up this becomes less likely. Love needs work- you breed, you reap.

I learned that people can abuse you emotionally. But that no one can hurt you without your consent. I have come to believe that I would rather be giving love than not being blessed with the ability to love.

I raise my eye brows for people who let meaningful relationships wither and die. Regardless of how much they say they care, they do not do the effort to make those relationships thrive. I look at those with wonder and think to myself, it can’t be that hard for any one to let some one they care about know that they are special. It is not enough to love some one; we have got to learn how to love them. But I realized that nurturing relationships is a skill and a talent not every one is gifted with. It takes effort and creativity to learn to make people feel loved and appreciated.

For the sake of rescuing relationships, some of us have tolerance for not getting enough of the warmth of appreciation and self worth from those we call our closest souls, while others have less tolerance to that. But even with those who can live with it, they are not doing themselves or the relationship any favors. I understand that very well now. Tolerance is a blessing in general but it cannot be a mean for doing oneself injustice. There is no salvation in that. You can be a rescuer but for goodness sake be a rescuer with pride. Have limits for your tolerance to others unfairness.

I learned that taking people for granted is a transgression. People need to know that they are appreciated. Who wants to be taken for granted? I doubt any one would jump and say ‘I do”. I believe that at this time of my life, I only want to be surrounded by people I love and who I can make and be happy around.

I am learning to accept myself as I am and to work harder to make a better version of me. I learned to love myself a bit more. I am learning to accept that I cannot do it all, I have limitations and I must realize that it is ok to say “I can’t”.

I learned that friendship is my blessing. People I have as true friends will always be there for me and I for them. I need to learn that not every one I know is my friend and that I cannot consider every one my friend. I have to learn to manage my expectations and to realize that it is foolish to assume people will behave that same way I would.

I concur that the best indicator to a person's character is how they treat people who can't do them any good, and those who can't fight back. I learned that people, who are usually considered as flies on the wall, can be a source of your happiness and self gratification.

I learned- but am trying to accept- that I do not have the answer to every thing around me, to every human behavior. Some times I can drive myself crazy asking why did this happen? People are not all rational and they react based on several factors other than reason. I learned that not every one will like me even if I have done no harm to them. That I cannot and should not please every one. I have to learn to live with the fact that the sun will not always be shinning.

I learned that losing some one you love is painful, but what is worse is the fear of losing some one you love. The waiting, the pain of their sufferings and the helplessness for relieving their pains is immense. I learned that no matter what I do, there will be some people that I want to keep in my life but just can’t. I also learned that my life is not all up to me and some times I have to accept that I am not in charge.

Sometimes, I feel helpless, disempowered, disadvantaged, lonely or isolated. I learned that it is never too dark, always to look for that spark within and there will be light. I learned to count my blessings when I am down or uptight. I realized that I just need to think of the difference I can make in one other person’s life to feel how powerful I can be. There is pleasure in the giving. You can always give something even if only kindness. You heel yourself in helping others and lift your own pains as well as theirs and make yourself a better you.

I learned to be excited about the small pleasures of life. It is exciting when I wake up in the morning and find a new flower budding in my plant. I consume myself in that small art project with my girl. I indulge in my favorite lemon flavor ice cream when my friend treats me to it on that cold winter day. I smile when the office boy I knew eight years ago calls me on every occasion to wish me well. I feel warmth when I get a message from some one I care about just checking on me. I treat myself to a bunch of flowers when ever I need a morale boost. I have come to believe that it is the small things that really make a difference. So do not overlook the small things.

I learned that I have got to unlearn many things accumulated through the years. That my innate nature and virtues are what I need to hold on to.

I learned that anger, getting back, getting even hurts me more than it hurts others and leaves blemish on me rather on the other person. I need to unlearn those feelings.

I need to unlearn to anticipate trouble and worry about what may never happen.

I need to unlearn to share my fears with others. I need to realize that those around me need my courage to be able to go on even when my fears have strong basis.

I need to unlearn to remember every little thing that has been said because some things are better forgotten than remembered.

I need to learn to remember this quote from Winnie the Pooh: “You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."