On the day, when everything was finally crystallized, I could see clearly. In a big theatre, with many seats as far as my eyes could behold. It was my biggest and most important performance. My eyes kept screening the audience looking for some particular faces. I felt, if I turn at any point and my sight meets them that I might gain strength; and bring out the best in me.
Many people walked in and out. The theatre was getting filled up quickly. I had to intervene. I reserved the first few rows and marked them. The first was core and essential. The second was close but non essential; and the third, was familiar. Everyone else was freely seated.
It was nice to feel the room warming up. My eyes glanced the crowds and it boosted my morale. When the lights were still on, everyone was busy doing something. Some were getting to know each other, some were checking their phones and others were walking in and out of the theatre. A few were looking at me, I suspect waiting for me to start.
Suddenly the lights started dimming and I was getting ready. The music went up and I took up my role. At times I felt engagement in the room. Sometimes I felt alone. I called a few to come up on stage and dance with me; a few I encouraged to sing along. I could feel the spirit in the room but I couldn’t see the crowds anymore. I could only tell by looking at the people in the front. My eyes would not sway. They were the source of my strength; particularly those occupying the first row. When I would feel uncertain, I would look there. A smile, a nod or even that the seats were still warmed, would help me know that I was doing alright. I thought it would be vital to my performance that I have those who touched my core and those meant the most right before my eyes. A handful, were backstage. I found out later that it was more important for them to see how well I perform than to be at the front.
It didn’t matter much, that I lost some people at the end of the theatre. I am sure they had other things to do. It mattered when someone in the front seemed distracted but it didn’t always break my heart. It's only when my eyes fell on an empty seat on the first row, that my heart pounded so heavily. My eyes wandered searching in the crowds and I felt I was losing my focus. Swiftly, I said to myself, it must have been important that they had to walk out. But my heart was questioning, how important it was. I wondered if it was more important to them to leave, than it was for me to have them there. I don’t know why I kept noticing that one seat throughout. Whenever I looked and found it was empty, it affected my performance. The room was full. The first few rows had many important people. But that one seat kept getting empty. In a vivid recall of the past, that one seat I always had reserved. It was occupied shortly and left cold on many occasions. Don’t know why I kept reserving it, despite expecting it to be empty. I went out of tune a few times. I got back on track later.
On that day I learned a few lessons. The first: an empty seat on the first row would always be a disappointment. Reserve it for those who won’t let you down. Don’t keep a seat on the first row for someone who doesn’t show up or has previously walked out on you. The second: people won’t generally decline a free good invitation. They may not value it as much, but a free invitation on a first raw seat is tempting. They would welcome it if they have nothing better to do or someone of more interest to be around. Make sure who is there to bring the best in you, enjoy being around you and is there for you; and who is there just because it is a convenience. The third: welcome any one to your theatre at any time, they can be freely seated. This gives them freedom to walk in and out as they wish, provided they don’t disrupt your performance and discomfort you. You won’t really notice them in the crowd. Lastly: backstage is essential. You may not see the people there, or notice their role often. Be attentive to backstage though. You dont only perform well because of those before you; but also because there are people, you don’t notice who are watching over you. Some of those are more worthy of being in that empty seat.
