Close Friend

A close friend is like the sky
No matter how far, I will see
And in the darkness I look up high
Its guiding stars will shine on me

In time of need the sky will know
What to send down my way
It may be rain, it may be snow
It may be sunshine through my day

When it's cold, the sky will vow
A sunny day is sure to follow
When I am lost, some how
its warmth sweeps away the sorrow

A close friend is like the wind
Carries me above the highest cloud
And gently my friend will find
A time to bring my feet to ground



Copyright ©2008 Wessam El Beih

On My Thirty-Nine Birthday

On my thirty- nine birthday, I prepare to witness the last year of this decade and I write this note as a gift to myself. My gift is to remind myself that life is what we make of it and that a fully meaningful and authentic life is what I am determined to live. I am alright with disclosing my age and take pride in challenging those who say women usually won’t. I know my childhood friends won’t mind me doing that so much.

It matters to me what font I type my words and I realized that I have to like how the words look to me with the first few words, not at the end of what I write. The core lesson I remind myself of is that “what matters to me, is important”; how I see the world and my comfort with what I say or do is what I will not compromise. I am content with my life; with many wonderful people to cherish, things to be proud of and I feel I am on a purposeful path in this world.

Sitting here on my couch with the break of the morning, trying to let my thoughts flow without an agenda, and hoping it will some how make some sense at the end. I have committed to writing three morning pages each day to unlock my creativity. A complete flow of words that I do not read again is what I originally signed up for. It is so hard, I have to confess. For those who seek perfection, which I realize does not exist, but we seek it any ways it is hard. It is even harder to stop that voice in the head that speaks up so loud wanting to make a statement on every occasion. Writing from my heart was easier when I was younger and even more unpolished. Now I have professionally been trained by life to let my head interfere and sensor what I write. Not good. That voice speaks all the time, haunting me even in my dreams. Heart speaks more sincerely and without reservations if you unleash it. Head interferes to politicize your inner most emotions. What a muddle?

How beautiful it is to just “be” and let life do its job of being. How very natural to let yourself become part of the world around you and give yourself completely. How very hard for those who do so. In this moment when I am just flowing inside out, am aware of my self and surroundings. I hear the background singing of early rising birds and the farther work of an engine. I see the curtains of my window move gracefully with the slow breeze and I can feel the grin on my lips as I type those words. But, here I go again, that voice in my head is loudening again objecting to the flow of words from my heart. Demanding me to get real, get to the point, stay focused and make sense. What if I just not make sense to any one, but make sense to me. Would that be too hard to handle? A million buts that awful, nosy, voice of so called reason flags at me to keep me from my dreams.

I close my eyes and imagine myself by the sea hearing its waves so strongly and allowing it to move my inner storms and settle my inner winds. I think of running there whenever I feel I need a louder voice than reason. It is hot and humid and I can’t drink that hot coffee next to my reach. May be I can move away; go out on the terrace, be more in touch with the beauty around and cultivate the beauty I see within. May be I can. It is not beyond my reach.

Friday 1 July 2011

The Selected Few of the Crowd

Lay back and think about that sunny day
With a vast crowd that piled along the way
Lay back, recall how it feels
Not at ease, singeing your heels
When that cloudy sky came to my stare
Too soon before I could prepare
Lay back, recall the crowd dispersed in haste
Feeling breathless, at vain, and in waste
I never want to be in that place again
Where I cannot withstand such pain
Lay back and think of the selected few
All along the way right before you
They’d rather die
Than to ever make you cry
The faulty fail to spot what’s true
And misses on the selected few
Lay back, let it settle, recall your deed
A selected few of the crowd are all you need

Wessam El Beih, July 2010

An Empty Seat

On the day, when everything was finally crystallized, I could see clearly. In a big theatre, with many seats as far as my eyes could behold. It was my biggest and most important performance. My eyes kept screening the audience looking for some particular faces. I felt, if I turn at any point and my sight meets them that I might gain strength; and bring out the best in me.

Many people walked in and out. The theatre was getting filled up quickly. I had to intervene. I reserved the first few rows and marked them. The first was core and essential. The second was close but non essential; and the third, was familiar. Everyone else was freely seated.

It was nice to feel the room warming up. My eyes glanced the crowds and it boosted my morale. When the lights were still on, everyone was busy doing something. Some were getting to know each other, some were checking their phones and others were walking in and out of the theatre. A few were looking at me, I suspect waiting for me to start.

Suddenly the lights started dimming and I was getting ready. The music went up and I took up my role. At times I felt engagement in the room. Sometimes I felt alone. I called a few to come up on stage and dance with me; a few I encouraged to sing along. I could feel the spirit in the room but I couldn’t see the crowds anymore. I could only tell by looking at the people in the front. My eyes would not sway. They were the source of my strength; particularly those occupying the first row. When I would feel uncertain, I would look there. A smile, a nod or even that the seats were still warmed, would help me know that I was doing alright. I thought it would be vital to my performance that I have those who touched my core and those meant the most right before my eyes. A handful, were backstage. I found out later that it was more important for them to see how well I perform than to be at the front.

It didn’t matter much, that I lost some people at the end of the theatre. I am sure they had other things to do. It mattered when someone in the front seemed distracted but it didn’t always break my heart. It's only when my eyes fell on an empty seat on the first row, that my heart pounded so heavily. My eyes wandered searching in the crowds and I felt I was losing my focus. Swiftly, I said to myself, it must have been important that they had to walk out. But my heart was questioning, how important it was. I wondered if it was more important to them to leave, than it was for me to have them there. I don’t know why I kept noticing that one seat throughout. Whenever I looked and found it was empty, it affected my performance. The room was full. The first few rows had many important people. But that one seat kept getting empty. In a vivid recall of the past, that one seat I always had reserved. It was occupied shortly and left cold on many occasions. Don’t know why I kept reserving it, despite expecting it to be empty. I went out of tune a few times. I got back on track later.

On that day I learned a few lessons. The first: an empty seat on the first row would always be a disappointment. Reserve it for those who won’t let you down. Don’t keep a seat on the first row for someone who doesn’t show up or has previously walked out on you. The second: people won’t generally decline a free good invitation. They may not value it as much, but a free invitation on a first raw seat is tempting. They would welcome it if they have nothing better to do or someone of more interest to be around. Make sure who is there to bring the best in you, enjoy being around you and is there for you; and who is there just because it is a convenience. The third: welcome any one to your theatre at any time, they can be freely seated. This gives them freedom to walk in and out as they wish, provided they don’t disrupt your performance and discomfort you. You won’t really notice them in the crowd. Lastly: backstage is essential. You may not see the people there, or notice their role often. Be attentive to backstage though. You dont only perform well because of those before you; but also because there are people, you don’t notice who are watching over you. Some of those are more worthy of being in that empty seat.

Asmaa, shows you how to “Let your dreams be bigger than your fears”….

Staring at the window and gazing into the gardens on the other side; reflecting on the past year with all its potentials, opportunities and challenges. I find myself smiling to the abstract and thinking of “her” with her smiling face for I have never once seen her frown upon her misery or lament her pains. I remember “her” with a sigh of relief and a wishful belief that she is looking down upon us with her comforting smile, patting on our shoulders without a word. I find tears coming to my eyes; happy tears that make you content.

Do you know what it is like when you have waited for someone for so long and finally meet them? All the waiting, longing and anticipation; suddenly relieved by the moment you glance their sight. Feelings of relief, a climax and happiness gush right into your soul. A first time expecting parent will surely relate to that; wanting to cross the path of time anticipating the baby. Every passing day, the anticipation peaks and the expectations rise. With every felt kick and every heart beat heard, a bond grows. You fall in love with this unfamiliar person to you and wait to meet impatiently. You wonder about a million things and have growing hopes and sincere prayers to bring to the world, someone who makes a difference, makes you proud in doing so and help you be a better person yourself. Imagine the moment this person comes to the world. Imagine the first time you lay your eyes on a healthy, beautiful and happy person. Suddenly, every moment that passed by in anticipation counts, every pain felt was worth it and every burden was meaningfully replaced by joy and pride. This person’s name is “Asmaa”, a lucky baby for she has numerous parents.

This is my heartfelt note of gratitude and a statement of what she means to me. I personalize her because she is personal to me. Asmaa is the long awaited friend, after years of parting. She is that beautiful someone who has come to the world to make a difference, to make you proud in doing so and to help you be a better person yourself. She means so many things to many people, I am sure. This is what she means to me.

If anyone turns to you asking for help, would you find it in your heart to deny them help? And if you do turn them away for whatever reason, how would you feel? The power to help another is a way we help our own souls. Sometimes helping others is not solely an act of kindness that you voluntarily offer, it is for some of us an obligation. The woman with the smiling face, and so are many others like her, was denied help. She was denied help by people whose obligation was to help her. She passed away because of that; leaving behind her three youngsters all by themselves in this world. Despite striving to help her, together with many others, we failed to get her the help she needed in time. It was personal to me that I have tried so hard and it was personal to me that I have failed to save her life. That thought never left my mind. The thought of someone losing their life because of another person failing on their obligations was intolerable. The thought of three youngsters, the eldest was sixteen years old left all by themselves in the world was intolerable. The thought of relenting to “I did all I can” was intolerable. Her smiling face never left my mind. After many years, Asmaa has fulfilled an obligation due to a woman which was not fulfilled to her in real life.

She brings to my heart a lot of hope that many other lives who have the right to be saved; will actually be saved. She brings hope that every person would realize the power within their own souls and find it their responsibility to stand up for their rights relentlessly. She equally stands as a firm reminder to everyone out there failing on their commitments, their duties, and their obligations. With her fierce gentleness she looks you in the eye and speaks to your conscience that your words, your actions, your beliefs could and would affect someone else’s life. Would you deny someone help if their lives depended on you? Think again. Think hard.And think over again. Asmaa will help change our world; I believe it with all my heart.

Asmaa to me is the teacher who, over six years of her evolution, has practically preached about what genuine commitment really means. No one is paid for commitment or passion. I have known some who are blessed by it, ignite it within their souls and maintain it to drive them. I was once told “passion begets passion”. She has powerfully drawn and multiplied collective eagerness, commitment, passion, tenacity and belief. Asmaa is an example of all that and is on a mission to snowball that. There can never be too much passion or too much commitment. Either there is or there isn’t. I would swear that there is.

True citizenship in not where you have been born, without your choice. It is where you have chosen to live and bond; building a sense of ownership to the people and the land identifying with many aspects that bring you closer. Asmaa, born in the era of the glorious Tunisian and Egyptian revolutions, is an unintended magical sign of resilience and a symbol to revolutionize our spirits to bring about more compassion, empathy and fairness to this world. A beautiful Tunisian, bonding with an Egyptian spirit to highlight that true citizenship is a choice that can be stronger than unprivileged born citizenship.

Someone stated that at some point in our lives and in one way or another we are all Asmaa. I believe so too. For a while, we may forget that despite our challenges, we are powerful. Asmaa was held back by her own fears and was on the verge of giving in. We all do sometimes. She realized that her love for life and her responsibility towards herself is the foundation to discover the power within and step over her fears. As a feminist and a development worker, I cannot overlook the powerful example that Asmaa sets for every woman. It brings to my heart a lot of pride that this example comes from a region where women still struggle for equality. Despite tremendous talent, demonstrated achievements and unquestionable potential, there are those who still strive to keep women in the shadow. Especially after the revolution, it is controversial to tolerate the regression to the space for women issues; every woman is Asmaa.Look to the Asmaa in you; in her potential, in her strength of spirit, love for life, persistence to make a difference and in the power to bring about equity and fairness to this world. Asmaa is a proclamation about the power within each and every one of us; unacceptable to overlook or oppress. Asmaa opens the door to many people to speak up, to live strong and live well. It is up to us to walk through that door or to choose to remain locked in.

The power of believing in oneself is also coupled by the power to believe in others. Six years ago, at the inception of a movie idea, the search for a famous and seasoned writer to tell the story was the direction set forth. At that time, Khaled Abol Naga suggested Amr Salama, saying to me “mark my words; he will be a rising star”. He was right. Overtime, strong belief kept materializing and transferring to everyone who was associated. Many times, the idea could have been placed on hold or waived indefinitely. It is because of a strong belief that Asmaa was realized; a strong belief in the power to relief another person's suffering, to make a difference and the responsibility towards what you believe in. Asmaa is a mesage that if you truly believe, you can be visionary and can realize any dream.

The future of this country and the region will be shaped by young people. They may not be seasoned by experience, but are determined to develop it. Young people are malleable to new ideas. They are willing to change to realize their dreams and are adamant for success. Asmaa is a signature to the power and talent of youth. She is a testimony to take risks; young talented people will make it happen.

Asmaa is the proof of the transformation that can happen to a person, reshape who they are and the way to view life. I believe that every single person who was engaged in the birth of Asmaa has been touched by her existence. I believe this transformation is irreversible and will remain forever in many future events. I believe that every single person who meets (watches) Asmaa will be positively affected, and will reflect deeply on the meaning of living. I believe that the story well told, well presented and well communicated is so hard to detach from. There is a bond that develops between you and Asmaa as strong as you choose it to be. You will relate to Asmaa in many ways. I believe, “She” will change you, and through you will change the world.

My last words are words of truly heartfelt gratitude. Thank you Amr Salama for the inspiration you have brought to my life through your creativity, your honestly and your sincere determination. Thank you Hend Sabry for identifying with Asmaa and adding to her beautiful everlasting smile your genuine, warm talent and personality. Thank you Maged El Kodwany for demonstrating to us that one can alter and be altered if we believe in the power we have within. Thank you, Mohamed Hefzy and Bushra for taking a risk and making your resources work for a cause- that will surely payback on many fronts. Thank you Hany Adel for the music which shivers me each time and fills me with hope and regenerates my energy. Thank you to every person who parented Asmaa and nurtured her to grow into this beautiful and prosperous woman.

Asmaa is the person I want to be to holding on to what I believe, overcoming my fear and stepping beyond what holds me back to reach my dreams. Thank you Asmaa, for making a difference, making us proud in doing so and help us be better people. Thank you for opening the door to change our world.

Wessam El Beih, Janury 8th 2011

I have learned, Written by Wessam El Beih in January 2009

I have changed. I have grown and evolved.

In a world that is going towards a pitfall, it may seem so trivial to reflect on my own self. But I realize that “I” am the only person I have control over. If I dig deep enough into me, I can read more about myself; understand more about the bubble I live within than what I would attempt to comprehend of what’s going on in the world. In a time where people lose their lives, dignity and security for no justified reason, I am not certain I want to be associated to this world in the first place. I feel shame of belonging to humanity. But since there is no voluntary way out of this world- I decided that for now I will reflect on my own bubble.

What we learn from our experiences determine what kind of people we develop to be over the years. I decided I am going to go over the things I have come to learn through this past year that have contributed to the change within me. I also became conscious that as we learn new things, develop new experiences, we also have to remember that sometimes we need to unlearn some of the things that do not help us grow to be better people. I am making those reflections public, well as public as my nature can tolerate. They may mean absolute nonsense to others and yet they may strike a cord. This is my commitment: to hold on to the useful lessons of life and to unlearn those that would tarnish my inner soul.

I realized that no matter how hard life strikes me it is all about how I react. Every passing moment, good or bad is time lapsing from my life. A moment that will never come back. It will pass and will never last. No matter how strong my feelings are at those moments they will also not last.

I learned that it is easier to live in a box predetermined by our society. People are ready to live your life for you if you let them, but what would that make you? Even though it is harder to get out of the box and design your own living terms, it is more fulfilling and coherent. I choose to be out of the box.

I learned that we have to learn to be deaf at times to the calling off voices of “You can’t”, “it’s too late”, “it’s too hard”, “it is inappropriate”. I learned that it is never too late to start pursuing your passion. Any time is good to start, and if so then it might as well be now. I spent years putting off plans for things I wanted to do, but not any more. I am amazing myself. Go ahead and start. Live your own life your self.

I have come to realize the power of “thank you” and “I am sorry”. We all need to be appreciated. We all need a pat on the shoulder uttering “well done”. Thank you makes a person feel noticed and valued. It works like magic, reinforcing the will to do more. So efforts and good deeds do not pass unrewarded. Behaviors that are rewarded are repeated. I am dazzled at those who forget to say thank you.

I also learned that when I say to someone “I am sorry”, I am genuinely stating that it is meaningless to have one’s ego get in the way of nurturing a relationship. The ability to affirm other’s righteousness and one self’s short fall is a blessing. It takes courage to say it and be willing to step back and go another direction. And when heard has a magical spell for undoing hurt, and lessening pain that may have been caused.

I learned that every time I feel sorry about something I did wrong or something I did not do well (or at all). I will not only feel sorry. I will say it. Every time I feel touched by the kindness of another person. I will not only feel thankful and smile. I will say it.

I learned to stand more firmly to what I believe is right, fair and true- even if it will not please those around me. I am getting more comfortable with the phrase “I am sorry I do not agree with you at all” and still be able to end the conversation kindly.

I learned that parting is not sweet at all but a lot of sorrow. Nevertheless, I decided to look beyond the imperfections. I realized that airports are not all about departures. They are also about reunions and arrivals. Watching people cry as they part, feeling how hard it is to let go, touches my heart. But I am intrigued as I watch others waiting for their loved ones, looking anxiously beyond the gates to glance those they await. I observe the running, the hugging, the kissing, the passion and the longing. I learned to appreciate that if there were no departures, there will never be arrivals.

I learned that unconditional love rarely exists. Well some one once told me that only small children and puppies can give love unconditionally- I agree. I look at my six years old- so innocent and full of love. She loves her class mates, thinks of what she will share with her friends at school, makes beaded necklaces for her best friend, writes I love you notes to her teacher. She doesn’t think of what they will say, or whether they would love her back or whether the necklace will be worn or if the love note will be thrown away. She loves unconditionally. But as we grow up this becomes less likely. Love needs work- you breed, you reap.

I learned that people can abuse you emotionally. But that no one can hurt you without your consent. I have come to believe that I would rather be giving love than not being blessed with the ability to love.

I raise my eye brows for people who let meaningful relationships wither and die. Regardless of how much they say they care, they do not do the effort to make those relationships thrive. I look at those with wonder and think to myself, it can’t be that hard for any one to let some one they care about know that they are special. It is not enough to love some one; we have got to learn how to love them. But I realized that nurturing relationships is a skill and a talent not every one is gifted with. It takes effort and creativity to learn to make people feel loved and appreciated.

For the sake of rescuing relationships, some of us have tolerance for not getting enough of the warmth of appreciation and self worth from those we call our closest souls, while others have less tolerance to that. But even with those who can live with it, they are not doing themselves or the relationship any favors. I understand that very well now. Tolerance is a blessing in general but it cannot be a mean for doing oneself injustice. There is no salvation in that. You can be a rescuer but for goodness sake be a rescuer with pride. Have limits for your tolerance to others unfairness.

I learned that taking people for granted is a transgression. People need to know that they are appreciated. Who wants to be taken for granted? I doubt any one would jump and say ‘I do”. I believe that at this time of my life, I only want to be surrounded by people I love and who I can make and be happy around.

I am learning to accept myself as I am and to work harder to make a better version of me. I learned to love myself a bit more. I am learning to accept that I cannot do it all, I have limitations and I must realize that it is ok to say “I can’t”.

I learned that friendship is my blessing. People I have as true friends will always be there for me and I for them. I need to learn that not every one I know is my friend and that I cannot consider every one my friend. I have to learn to manage my expectations and to realize that it is foolish to assume people will behave that same way I would.

I concur that the best indicator to a person's character is how they treat people who can't do them any good, and those who can't fight back. I learned that people, who are usually considered as flies on the wall, can be a source of your happiness and self gratification.

I learned- but am trying to accept- that I do not have the answer to every thing around me, to every human behavior. Some times I can drive myself crazy asking why did this happen? People are not all rational and they react based on several factors other than reason. I learned that not every one will like me even if I have done no harm to them. That I cannot and should not please every one. I have to learn to live with the fact that the sun will not always be shinning.

I learned that losing some one you love is painful, but what is worse is the fear of losing some one you love. The waiting, the pain of their sufferings and the helplessness for relieving their pains is immense. I learned that no matter what I do, there will be some people that I want to keep in my life but just can’t. I also learned that my life is not all up to me and some times I have to accept that I am not in charge.

Sometimes, I feel helpless, disempowered, disadvantaged, lonely or isolated. I learned that it is never too dark, always to look for that spark within and there will be light. I learned to count my blessings when I am down or uptight. I realized that I just need to think of the difference I can make in one other person’s life to feel how powerful I can be. There is pleasure in the giving. You can always give something even if only kindness. You heel yourself in helping others and lift your own pains as well as theirs and make yourself a better you.

I learned to be excited about the small pleasures of life. It is exciting when I wake up in the morning and find a new flower budding in my plant. I consume myself in that small art project with my girl. I indulge in my favorite lemon flavor ice cream when my friend treats me to it on that cold winter day. I smile when the office boy I knew eight years ago calls me on every occasion to wish me well. I feel warmth when I get a message from some one I care about just checking on me. I treat myself to a bunch of flowers when ever I need a morale boost. I have come to believe that it is the small things that really make a difference. So do not overlook the small things.

I learned that I have got to unlearn many things accumulated through the years. That my innate nature and virtues are what I need to hold on to.

I learned that anger, getting back, getting even hurts me more than it hurts others and leaves blemish on me rather on the other person. I need to unlearn those feelings.

I need to unlearn to anticipate trouble and worry about what may never happen.

I need to unlearn to share my fears with others. I need to realize that those around me need my courage to be able to go on even when my fears have strong basis.

I need to unlearn to remember every little thing that has been said because some things are better forgotten than remembered.

I need to learn to remember this quote from Winnie the Pooh: “You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

Written By Wessam El Beih in December 2009 reflecting for 2010

This is not coming late; I meant it to evolve with the New Year. May be It will seem rhetorical to some, but to others I know will resonate. I write about friendship and love; loss and pain; aspirations and expectations, hurting and healing, loyalty and trust; success and disappointment; giving in and letting go. I write about life- my life and every one within my circle. I write about the people that have crossed my path and left a mark on me. I write about my friends and loved ones; and I write about others who I can not define as opponents. I write about what I learned and what I have yet to learn.

As you find yourself in my notes, some where between the lines, think of the meaning. We very rarely think of the effect we have on those we touch. Here is an invitation to read it out.

I am blessed for every breath I still can take and for every morning I wake up to. Every morning is a new beginning- a chance to start all over. Some mornings are so beautiful, and they fill our hearts with extra warmth, hope and unspoken blessings. I am blessed I can enjoy the small pleasures of life and take them as personal treats- the aroma of coffee, the flaming scent of warm vanilla sugar, crunching ice off a cold glass of water, the fondness of lemon ice cream, a long weekend by the beach with loved ones, a bunch of flowers sent to your door or a deep massage after a long day of work. I wish you the blessing of knowing that the small things in life ARE the big things.

Early in the year, I had to handle feelings of fear. Fear of losing a loved one, fear of their pain and sufferings, fear of not being there when they most needed me to be. I have witnessed those feelings before through friends eyes but it is one thing to observe and another to sense. At times despite all the love you have, you are helpless to ease their sufferings or to keep them safe. For months, I tried to make the utmost of the time I had left with him. To let him know how I loved him. And to take in from his love and wisdom as much as I could -- which I have done all my life.

Shortly after, my fear materialized to a real understanding of loss. Loss of my uncle to cancer. This man who I so much adored and knew he loved me too. For months after he passed away, I visualized him before my very own eyes. I could not deal with the fact that he was gone. I saw him- not in the form or shape as he was suffering but as I always saw him handsome, loving, cheerful, proud, respectful and amazing. I still find it difficult to hear conversations about him- to be required to believe that he is actually gone. No longer there.

I thought that memories are all we have left. My uncle is no longer in the world. It's sad AND true. But now I know that memories are not all we have left. He leaves a legacy in his children, me included. He is present even where he is physically absent. I miss him and remember often the things he said or did. He lives on in me and in all those he has touched. I hold on to this conviction and I know in my heart that when my time comes, I want to be comforted by knowing that I may leave someone behind to remember me the same way.

I learned that time- no matter how long is short. The people we love will not be around us for ever. No matter how much you want, there are people you can’t keep. So I tell this to myself and to you. Make the time, the effort and the most to carve the memories each day and enjoy the present. I wish you the blessing of enjoying your loved ones to the most. I wish you the blessing of lingering memories….

“Work is part of your life, not your life” said some one I have so much respect for. As a person who was always liable for misbalancing work and life, I took those words a bit lightly when I first heard them. They only shook me to the bones much later than when I first heard them. I had to pause and reflect on several incidences- with no coincidence of occurring in the same year.

In a random conversation with a colleague, she talked about the endless responsibilities, deadlines and important meetings that took up most of her time. She told me of the many nights she had to be home late from work and having to deal with the gloomy faces of her loved ones. As she told the story, I could see myself through her words. She wept as she told me about the night of her anniversary which she could not celebrate as she was tied up completing a proposal due in a couple of days. I dreaded as she said that her husband passed away that same year. I could hear the regret in her voice of the lost opportunity to make the choices that represented what meant most to her. I remember those words so vividly now. “Work is part of your life, not your life”. I have to learn to remind myself each day that I can still do a good fulfilling job without encroaching on my right to live without failing the people who love me and deserve my attention.

I think of all the times I exhausted my brain cells to come up with the perfect answer for a muddle. I think of the time dissecting, analyzing and comprehending the meanings. I think of the time, I looked from all possible angles to attempt to see it clearer. And I think of the times I have not been able to reach the answer. At some point, I got discouraged by frequently bumping into apathy, resistance and low commitment around. I constantly asked myself unfair questions like why can’t they see it? Why are they making those choices? What can I do to change that? I asked those questions thinking that I have the answers. And the questions were never answered. I was certain of the grounds I stood but I could not help feeling that if there were nothing wrong with them, then there must be something wrong with me- conventional oversight of blaming oneself when we fail to see it through. An unconstructive light. She, as the sound of wisdom that speaks to my heart and my mind, made me acknowledge that there is NOTHING wrong with me. Or them. But that people are different, and thus their priorities are different. Their priorities evolve around their value system. Certainty is non existent. What’s rational to one may be utter nonsense to another. I wish we are blessed with the capacity to suspend our expectations of others. I wish you the blessing of never blaming yourself for situations beyond your control.

Before my eyes, I have seen leadership and wisdom go hand in hand. I have observed the ability to demand respect and get it with absolute gentle and fearless power. I have witnessed the power of charisma, strengths of existence and resonance of well chosen vocabulary. I have seen gentleness, mentoring and desire to pass on the teaching of good judgment. I have felt what’s genuine and beyond the call of duty. I have also seen carelessness, shallowness and weakness of self-control. I have been pained by the lack of will, futile decision power and incapacity to guide. I have learned from the former of what I need to be and I have learned from the latter of what to never become. I wish you the blessing to acknowledge your role to drive success and to recognize when you are at fault. I wish you the blessing of a clear conscious that there was nothing left for you to do to make it right, that you never chose not to act for pleasing others and that you never say yes when what you meant to say was no.


I used to believe any one can tell the difference between a person who is doing what they do because they are paid to do it and those who are being paid while they do what they do any ways. Am I making sense? Not really but let me try to explain. Some people take their work seriously because they believe in what they do and feel that they are gratifying their purpose in life. They need to make a living for sure but they take their tasks to heart because they believe not because they are paid. One day- in an accidental disagreement related to respect and commitment- some one told me “you get paid to do so and I don’t”. I was offended tremendously. I felt like I got a slap on the face. Do commitment and respect have a monetary value? I learned that day, that people do things for different reasons. I learned that some people think they can place a tag on your convictions or theirs. I learned that the value system of people is different and that is why they see things differently and act accordingly. I would rather be myself- paid for a job I believe in, look upon respect and commitment as unquestionable and priceless virtues; and excel every effort in my power to make a difference - paid or not. I choose to make my job an unrelenting aspect of my life mission.

Have you got a friend? I imagine you say “what are you talking about- who doesn’t?” Well I think a lot of people do not. I use this word with care because I do not mean the casual acquaintances we arbitrarily call “our friends”. A friend to me is some one true to you regardless of who you are, what you are, and how you are. A friend is the one you can be yourself around with no reservations. A friend knows your virtues and your vices and accepts you just the way you are. Friendship is the explicit statements of faith, respect, integrity, empathy, necessity, delight, sharing, handedness, infinity, and poise. A friend is so much more than the letters of this word can carry. A friend is forever. And if you ever say “Ah, we WERE friends”, remind yourself that a friendship that ends, never actually started. Did you feel the warmth of those feelings? Did you enjoy the closeness and the caring of a friend? Have you been a friend yourself? I am blessed to have a few friends in my life whom I will cherish for ever. I wish you the blessing of friendship…

What about love? Love.. Oh yes how can I forget- the biggest quest of all times. Every one is in constant search for love- but is it the need for the giving or the taking of love that drives the search? They say love has many faces and multiple meanings. Does it? To me the impediment is in labeling love and attempting to quantify it. Why do we complicate uncomplicated matters? We are born with innate love for the world – everything around is made of love. So be it. Whether you love your friends, your parents, your children, your partner, your dog, or beauty around us; aren’t we always IN Love? In a state of giving or taking of love.

Then what is that endless quest for? It is not love we look for; how can we look for something we already have? I believe the search is derived by the imbalance of giving and taking of love. We look for some one to help us reach that balance. Some one to share our lives with. Some one to take care of us and make us feel safe. We are looking for some one. We are not looking for love. So until that some one comes your way; just be in love- do not search for it, because it will find you. I wish you the blessing of a balance in giving and taking love. And I wish you the blessing to find that someone to share your life with. May you remember that you do have love even if you do not have some one yet.

In the name of love, be sincere in your love. In the name of love, create love for living. In the name of love, love yourself through others. In the name of love, think of love as a verb and not only a feeling. In the name of love, don’t use love as a mean to reach another end. In the name of love, speak of love. In the name of love, speak about love only when you feel it, mean it and live it. And in the name of love, be in love.

The art of letting go is what I am yet to learn. To understand that letting go is not the same as giving in. When you have tried, tried harder and tried even more; may be then it is wise to know that you just have to let go. Let go of a dream that has proved to fail its purpose. Let go of a thought of love that would never live to exist. Let go of those hard feelings that will impede compassion from finding a place in your heart. Let go of people you falsely thought could be your friends. Let go of the burning hurt so you pave the way for the embers of hope. Does it seem to you like a lot of pain to let go? Does it seem as if you are betraying your soul? Are you telling yourself- but if I can only hang in there for one more time, may be it will be better, may be it will work out, may be I can make it alright. May be. But may be you should be careful. Learning to let go at the right time, is learning to be true to yourself; is learning to appreciate life and acknowledge your humanity; is learning to open the door for new opportunities; it is the only way for healing. I wish that we are blessed with capacity to know the time we have to let go and I wish we have the courage to do it and the perseverance to endure it.

I have encountered some stray souls on my way. And who is foolish to think they are never lost? I remembered what I needed when I was lost. Some one to ask me the questions and help me think my life through. It is amazing how in helping some one to voice their questions, you find the answers to your own. No right or wrong answers. She taught me that in every choice we make there is a lesson. There is no such thing as mistakes. That is what I know now. We go certain paths in life to learn some thing new each day that helps us to realize our purpose in life and be better people. You are not lost. You are yet to find your way. Believing in yourself and in your ability to question, will help you live answers through.


"May there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love... It is there for each and every one of us." Quoted from a friend